Where Do We Go From Here?
by BrokenShardss
Summary: Buffy comes to LA during the end of season 5. She discovers Spike is alive, and she’s forced to figure out how she truly feels about him. S&B, A&F, slight B&A and S
1. Never Gone

**Title:** Where Do We Go From Here?

**Pairings:** S/B, S/F, B/A, F/A

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, it all belongs to Joss.

**Summary:** Buffy comes to LA during the end of season 5. She discovers Spike is alive, and she's forced to figure out how she truly feels about him.

**Author's Note:** I started this years ago, and haven't ever finished it. If anyone really likes it, just review and tell me, and I'll try and add more chapters. :)

Chapter 1 – Never Gone

"Angel, just let me have the sodding Viper!" Spike was yelling furiously at Angel.

"No."

"Why the bloody hell not?" Spike was getting frustrated now.

"Because it's my Viper. Besides you don't even work here." Angel tried to focus on the case file in front of him as Spike continued ranting.

"I use it more than you do anyways. You don't even go out anymore. I'm the one out there helping the helpless and what all."

"Fine, go do that. Without the Viper. Now could you get out of my office? I'm working."

"Oh, yeah signing checks and writing up lawsuits. How terribly important."

Angel glared at Spike "Go."

"Fine, I've got better things to do anyways." Spike sauntered out of Angel's office. "Harmony, I need the keys to the Viper."

"But, I thought Angel said—"

"Keys. Now." Spike stared her down.

"Ok. But if Angel gets all dust-happy he better stake you instead of me."

"Right. Whatever." Spike grabbed the keys and went down the elevator. "Time for some fun" Spike smiled as he shot out of the parking garage.

* * *

"Man, it's good to be back in L.A." Buffy walked off the bus. "Now to go find some vamps."

* * *

Spike was sitting in a club, tired after dusting so many vamps.

"Hey there." A pretty blonde girl sat down next to him. "Wanna dance?"

"Not the dancing type, luv." Spike took a sip of his beer.

"Well, there's other ways we could dance." She took his hand and pulled him off the stool.

* * *

"Ok, when did L.A. turn into a demon-free zone?" Buffy said angrily to herself. She'd come all this way and she wanted to kill some vampires. She saw flashing lights and looked across the street at the club. "Hopefully they're some vamps in there." Buffy walked over to the club.

"Go on in sweetheart." The bouncer opened the door for her.

"Thanks." Buffy surveyed the place. "Vampires… where are you?" Buffy mumbled to herself. She was so out of it that she didn't see the couple making out right in front of her. "Oof."

"Watch where you're going, luv."

"Sorry I didn't see—" Buffy looked up. British accent. Platinum blonde hair. Leather duster. "You."

"Buffy?"

"Oh my god. You're… here. And… you aren't dead."

"Um… who is this girl?" The blonde girl was still hanging all over Spike.

Thunk. Buffy had knocked out the girl. "You son of a bitch." Buffy swung and punched Spike hard in the nose.

"Not exactly the welcome I had imagined." Spike was holding his nose in his hands. "But I should've expected it."

"Are you… are you really here? Am I dreaming?" Buffy was super confused now.

"I'm here."

Buffy hit him again. "How dare you! You were alive and didn't tell me?"

"Well technically I'm not alive. Plus I was kind of afraid this might happen." Spike was doubled over in pain.

"And to top it all off you're here making out with skanks?" Buffy was furious. And somewhat jealous.

"No!" Spike looked down at the girl. "Well, yeah. But only this once."

"Like that's supposed to make me feel better."

"I'm sorry. I just didn't–" Spike flew across the room after Buffy kicked him squarely in the chest.

"How are you even back?"

"We're trying to figure that out." Spike sat slumped against the wall, not risking getting up to be kicked again.

"We? Who's we?"

"Angel and his whole gang." Spike realized he probably shouldn't have said that.

"Angel." Buffy seemed a little calmer. But, really all she wanted to do now was go and beat up Angel.

"Yeah." Spike stood up.

"Let's go. I need to have a talk with Angel." Buffy pulled Spike behind her. "Got a car?"

"Yeah." And the Viper was about to be the least of Angel's worries.

* * *

Spike walked slowly behind Buffy as they got up to Wolfram and Hart's lobby.

"Buffy?" Harmony watched as Buffy walked up to Angel's office. "Do you want me to get Angel for you?"

"No thanks, Harmony." Buffy smashed the door open with her foot.

"What the hell is going on?" Angel looked up just in time to have Buffy's fist fly into his face.

"Are you going to explain this?" Buffy pointed at Spike.

"Buffy?" Angel got punched again. "Ow."

"Right now I hate the both of you so much." Buffy looked back and forth between the two vampires.

"Understandable." Angel got up out of his chair. "Buffy, I was going to tell you about… him. But, you were in Rome. Also Captain Peroxide here didn't want to tell you." Angel shot an accusatory stare at Spike.

"Don't forget to mention I was a ghost for about a month too."

"Ghost? And wait, didn't Andrew come here a little while ago?" Buffy was trying not to dust the both of them.

"Yeah, the little nerd was here." Spike tried not to look at Buffy directly.

"And why didn't he know about you being here?" Buffy turned to stare at Spike.

"He did. I just… told him not to tell you."

"You told him…" Buffy trailed off. "Why would you... why didn't you want me to know?" Buffy was somewhat hurt by the fact that Spike didn't want her to know.

"I don't know. I guess it didn't seem like the thing you tell someone over the phone."

"You could've come to Rome."

"We did! And speaking of which why were you with that ponce The Immortal?" Spike walked over to her, angry now that he remembered that.

"Yeah, Buffy, why were you with him? What happened to being cookie dough?" Angel came over too.

"…Cookie dough?" Spike looked at him, confused.

"I don't know. I was lonely, and have you seen him?"

Angel and Spike looked at each other with 'Gag-me' expressions on their faces.

Buffy was embarrassed that they'd seen her but then wondered why they were there in the first place. "Also, were you spying on me?"

"No, we weren't spying. We thought you were in danger." Angel failed to mention he had someone who had been spying on her.

"In danger of what?"

"The Immortal." Spike was trying not to sound extremely jealous.

"Oh. You came because you thought I was in danger of my own boyfriend, but you won't even come to tell me that you're back."

"That's about right." Spike felt stupid now. And he was expecting to get punched again. He was right. Luckily he grabbed her fist before it made contact. "Buffy, I didn't mean to hurt you, but honestly… I didn't think you'd care." Spike tried to hide the pain in his voice. He'd missed her so much. When he had seen her with the Immortal he was certain that he would never have a chance to see her again. Until now. He let go of her arm, feeling dazed after touching her.

"Why in the world would you think that? Do you even remember what I said to you?" Buffy was in disbelief that he forgot the moments they shared before he died. Or at least when he supposedly died.

"You didn't mean that. As much as it meant to me, it wasn't real." Spike moved closer to her, his bright blue eyes staring deep into hers. "I'll always love you. You know that. But you don't love me. You never will."

Angel coughed. "Ok… Buffy maybe we should find you somewhere to sleep. Unless of course you don't want to stay on account of—"

"I'm staying." She turned away from Spike. "I don't have to stay here though… do I? I'm not big on sleeping in an evil law firm."

"Formerly evil." Angel sat down at his desk.

"Whatever. So, where am I gonna stay?" Buffy sat on the edge of the table then looked from Angel to Spike.

"As long as you don't plan on dusting me in my sleep, you can stay at my place." Spike looked over at Angel who was not loving that plan. Spike was kind of worried about it too, considering the talk he and Buffy just had wasn't really a prelude to happiness.

"Can't make any promises. But, fine."

"I'll have someone come over first thing in the morning to make sure you're both still alive." Angel got up and grabbed Spike by his shirt, then said into his ear "If you hurt her, or even touch her, I will personally dust you, understand?"

Spike shook him off. "Yeah, yeah. Took me on and lost, remember old man?"

Angel just growled at him in response.

"I won't. Don't get your knickers in a bunch." He watched as Buffy got up and walked towards the door. "You just stay here and brood over her, like you do so well." Spike gave him a smug smile and walked out behind Buffy.

* * *

"Nice place." Buffy looked around his apartment.

"It's not my crypt… but it's got all I need." Spike pulled a can of beer out of the fridge and sat down on the couch.

Buffy just watched him for a while. She knew every part of him so well. And although she would never admit it, she really had missed him. She had cried for a long time after he died. When no one was around and all the memories came flooding back. He haunted her thoughts and her dreams, and now seeing him in the flesh… was just more than she could bear.

Spike was trying not to think about her. She was so close to him… and he just couldn't really get a hold on reality.

All of a sudden Buffy ran over to him. She sat on top of his lap and started to kiss him like the world would end without him being next to her. Spike moved his lips down her neck. "Oh, Spike! Spike—"

"SPIKE!" Buffy was standing up and definitely not kissing him.

"Wha-what..?" Spike realized he'd drifted off while daydreaming about Buffy.

"You fell asleep… and I just noticed that you only have one bed. Which really doesn't work with two of us." Buffy looked down at her feet, kind of uncomfortable. She did want to be near him, but it was just all still so strange.

"Right." Spike wished he could hold her again, but that was clearly out of the question. "I'll take the couch."

"No, it's your place I don't want to make you do that." Buffy went to get her stuff out of Spike's room when his hand grabbed her arm. It startled her and she hoped that the shivers down her spine were from being frightened and not for other reasons.

"No." Spike's eyes were deep and penetrating as he stared her down. His hand felt like it was on fire and he pulled away from her. "You're taking the bed."

"Spike… I did mean it."

"You're not taking the couch."

"No, I meant about what I told you. When I said that I—. I did mean it. On some level."

"Maybe you did. But that's in the past now. Everything's different. It just… it wasn't meant to be." Spike got up and grabbed a blanket for the couch. "You should go get some rest."

"Yeah." Buffy walked away and for some reason at that moment her heart hurt worse than ever.

* * *

Spike sat on the couch watching TV. There was no way he could sleep with her being right in the next room. He listened to her as she moved around in bed. Spike remembered that all too well. Buffy had very vivid dreams that made her flail around in her sleep. More than anything he wished he could go and calm her, but that wasn't his place. Not anymore. Actually, as much as he would've liked it to be, not ever.

Buffy tossed and turned in her sleep. Her mind was filled with memories of him.

"_I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you."_

"_I could never be your girl!"_

"_You're the one, Buffy." "I don't wanna be the one."_

"_I love you." "No you don't. But thanks for saying it."_

As the memories faded, Buffy started to dream about him. She saw him walking towards her. He reached out his hand to touch her face. "Buffy, I love—" Buffy interrupted him by plunging a stake deep into his chest causing him to explode to dust in front of her.

"NO!" Buffy shot straight up in bed, tears streaming down her face.

"Buffy." Spike got up and ran to her room. "Are you alright, luv?" He sat down on the edge of her bed.

Buffy didn't answer she just pulled him close to her in a death grip hug.

"Good thing I don't have to breathe." Spike tried to lighten the moment but stopped when he heard her sobbing into his shoulder. "It's alright. Don't cry." He was hesitant but gently started rubbing her back to comfort her.

"I killed you."

"What?" Spike pulled her away to face him. "I'm right here. You didn't kill me. You've done your fair share of trying, though." He smiled at her. "It was just a dream. I'm still here."

"And that's what throws me the most. I kept dreaming about you dying, but it didn't matter because you were dead. Now you're here and… I don't want to lose you again." She looked into his eyes. "I hate you." She got off the bed and grabbed her coat.

"What? What did I do?" Spike followed her out of the room.

"You're alive with the looks and the voice and the you."

"So now we're back to wanting me dead."

"No I just… I want things back to normal."

"Our lives have never been normal, pet."

"Well mine was getting close to it. I wasn't the one and only chosen, I had a new home, a new life, I wasn't living on the hellmouth, and I didn't have to deal with—"

"Me?" Right, of course. Both of you were finally moving on and then everything had to get all buggered up. But she's the one who came here in the first place. He was doing his best to stay away. So it wasn't his fault. He sure felt like it was though.

"I was going to say vampires."

"Still, puts me in that category."

"No, you go under the category called 'Souled Vampires Who Always Leave Town'."

"Please tell me I'm not stuck in the same category as old broody pants. And for the record, I didn't leave town. I died. Also, I turned the town into a crater, remember?"

"Yeah. I just… I need to go." She tried for the door.

"What you need is sleep."

"I don't want to. I'll dream."

"I'm not dead, well not in the being gone sense. Besides you even said yourself you were better off when I was gone. Now go to bed."

"Fine." Buffy walked off to the room and laid back down. She did need sleep, but he was wrong about her being better off without him. Truthfully, she needed him too.

* * *

Buffy opened her eyes. It was morning and thankfully she had slept pretty well considering the dreams she still had. She walked out to the kitchen and saw Spike standing by the fridge. Also a demon behind him. "Spike!" Buffy swung for the demon but was easily thrown across the room.

"Bloody hell, Illyria! Didn't need to hit her so hard."

"I thought you said Slayers possessed great strength. This one seems very unimpressive to me."

"Who is this?" Buffy struggled to lift herself up. Damn, that girl was strong.

"This is Illyria. She… well she used to be a mighty demon god but now is trapped inside the body of…"

"Winifred Burkle."

"Yeah." Spike couldn't really bring himself to say Fred's name. "And she almost blew up all of Los Angeles… or possibly the world, but we sucked some of her powers out of her. She's still bloody strong though."

"This one. She is lusting after you. Her body warms." Illyria turned to look at Spike.

"Hmm. Guess they didn't take all of your powers." Spike smiled and inside was laughing at Buffy, who had turned bright red at that comment.

"Angel sent me to check on you. He told me if you had hurt her I could kill you. I don't bend to his will. Though, I do enjoying hitting you."

Spike walked towards her. "Haven't touched her. But if you wanna have a go…"

Illyria sent him smashing into the fridge.

"Alright then." Spike switched into game face and lunged, punching her in the face. "Good thing you can't cheat with that time stop thing anymore. That was a royal bitch." He kicked her squarely in the stomach and sent her stumbling back.

Illyria punched him hard in the face, making his nose bleed. "You break so easily." She smirked at him.

"Stop!" Buffy came over and hit Illyria, having no affect on her. Illyria was about to smash Buffy through the wall when Spike cut in.

"Illyria. Let's wait till we get back to Wolfram and Hart before you break Buffy in half, okay?"

"I do it because it suits me." She walked away from the pair.

"You're friends with a super demon?" Buffy was completely puzzled. And kind of in pain.

"Wouldn't exactly call us friends. But yeah, Big Blue's on our side… sort of."

"Who was Winifred Burkle?"

Spike really didn't want to go there, but he did anyways. "She was… a friend of mine. She was a great person."

"And Illyria killed her?" Buffy could tell it was a tender subject for Spike, but wanted to know just the same.

"Not really, a lot of people played their part in bringing Illyria forth. She hollowed out Fred so she could be on this earth again." Spike cringed at the memory of trying to save Fred.

"You cared about her a lot didn't you?"

"Yeah. I did."

"Were… were you and her together?" Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to know this answer.

Spike could see the twinge of jealousy in Buffy's eyes. "No need to get jealous. She was with Wesley, not me."

Buffy was relieved and then realized what he said. "Wesley? He's still around?"

"You seem shocked. What did you think he was dead?"

"Well… you should've seen him five years ago."

Spike laughed. He'd forgotten that Wesley had once been Buffy's watcher.

Buffy remembered what else Spike had said. "And hey! I wasn't jealous."

"Sure you weren't." His voice dropped all low and sounded so sexy.

"Maybe a little."

"Just a little?" Spike moved closer to her.

"Not as jealous as I was of that slut at the club."

"Yeah, you broke up a pretty good kissing session."

"Uh!" She hit him playfully. "I was definitely better than her."

"Hmm… I'm not sure. It's been a long time since we've kissed." His body was almost touching hers now.

"I know. I had kind of wished we could've done it one more time before you died."

"Not dead anymore. Still want to?" He bent his head down, lower, almost—

"Spike. I wish to leave now." Illyria stood in the doorway.

"Right, let's go." Spike walked away from Buffy. He was so close, and yet, he wasn't sure if it was what he really wanted. He tried not to think about it. "Angel's probably gonna send in an army if we stay any longer." God my life sucks.


	2. New Day, Same Old Heartbreak

Chapter 2 – New Day, Same Old Heartbreak

Angel sat at his desk, brooding as per usual. He was just about to go see what was taking them so long when he heard a familiar voice coming from the doorway.

"Hey, lover."

Angel looked up. Not the slayer he was expecting. Long brown hair, leather pants, holier than thou glower. "Faith."

"They told me you were here but I didn't believe it. You running a law firm… it was just too weird." She laughed at him.

"Takes some adjusting. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I heard there was and apocalypse coming and I never like to miss out on those." She smiled. "Plus I knew a certain other slayer who was dropping by. Thought I'd catch up with some old friends."

"Might have to wait on that apocalypse for a bit. But, yeah, Buffy's here."

"So why isn't she here, here?" Faith pointed for emphasis. She had half-expected to find Buffy drooling in Angel's blood, but she was no where to be seen.

"She's with Spike."

"Spike? William the bloody, Spike?"

"The one and the same. He's got a soul now."

"Yeah, and he also blew up himself with the hellmouth."

"Right you knew him. Well, he's back. You know how a lot of us seem to do that."

"So… Buffy's just staying with him? You aren't worried about her torturing him to death?"

"Not really one of my main concerns."

"Well, I wouldn't expect him to fit in anything but an ashtray. If I were her I'd be pissed. I mean my ex dies… and well that normally wouldn't happen, but if it did, man that boy would be sorry."

"She was pretty mad."

"Yeah. As far as I could tell she was pretty devastated when he died." Faith realized this may not have been the thing to say to someone who was in love with Buffy. "Well, I don't really know, I mean it was—"

"Faith?" Buffy stood in the doorway followed by Spike and Illyria.

"Hey, B." Faith looked over at Spike and scanned him over. "Spike." She nodded at him. "And who is this? You look like…" She looked harder at the demon. "Fred?"

"Not exactly. This is Illyria. It's a long story, but she's good. Some of the time." Angel got up and walked over to Buffy. "How are you?"

"I've been better. But then again I've been worse too." Her head was spinning. All of this was just too much to take in.

"I get that. Are you hungry?" Angel looked at her with those sweet eyes, his face softened now that he was around her.

"Yeah, I could do with some breakfast. Faith, do you want to come?"

"No thanks, B. I think I'll have a look around."

"I'll give you the grand tour then." Spike volunteered awfully quick and walked Faith out of the office. Buffy stared after them, wondering where that came from.

* * *

"So, how've you been?" Buffy looked up at Angel who was warming his blood in the microwave.

"Alright. As you can see I took over Wolfram and Hart."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"It's a long story. But, we're doing fine here." Angel didn't want to explain how he came because of his and Darla's child that doesn't even remember him. It would just be too weird.

"Yep, you guys don't even need me around here."

"Yes we do." Angel walked over to her. "But just wondering, why are you here?"

"The Immortal and I broke up." Buffy looked down at her feet. "I just needed to get away for a while. And L.A. seems to be my favorite place to run away to, so here I am."

"It's good to see you." Angel was relieved that she wasn't with The Immortal.

"Yeah, you too."

"And I know you must be hurting, and I won't press it… but is there any chance that maybe now…" He looked at her.

"I'm not sure." Buffy turned away, only to feel Angel's hand on her cheek.

"Then let me help you be sure." He bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. Gentle at first, but then Buffy submitted to the kiss, wrapping her arms around him.

* * *

"Well, that's all of it." Spike stopped at the lobby.

"Damn, this place is huge." Faith spun around, still looking at everything.

"That it is. I liked it better when I could walk through walls."

Faith looked at him, confused.

"The whole ghost thing."

"Oh. Right."

"So, you hungry? All that walking was probably tiring."

"Yeah, we can probably catch up with B and Angel." Faith walked behind him until suddenly he stopped.

Spike looked through the window to the lounge. His heart sunk in his chest, exactly like it had the last time this happened. He saw them. Deep in a passionate kiss. Spike couldn't believe it was happening again.

"Spike? What is it?" Faith looked at him quizzically, not noticing the couple in the room up ahead.

Then before she could open her mouth to say anything else, Spike spun around and grabbed her. He crushed his lips to hers in a bruising kiss, knocking the wind out of her. Faith was surprised, but enjoyed it just the same. He lifted her up onto his waist, her strong legs wrapping around him. All the rest of the workers stared at the pair as they smashed backwards into things, never breaking their fevered make-out session.

* * *

Buffy pushed Angel away. "I'm just not ready. I'm sorry."

"I understand." Angel gazed at her sweetly, then whipped his head around when he heard the commotion in the lobby.

"You stay here. I'll go check." Buffy walked out of the lounge only to stop in her tracks. Her jaw dropped like five feet. Spike had Faith pressed up against the wall, still going at it.

Spike's mind was racing. Bitch. Stupid bitch. I knew it. Of course this would happen. Hate her. Hate her. Hate her. Spike moved down to Faith's neck now, leaving her mouth free to moan.

"Spike, Spi… Buffy." Faith saw the blonde standing there staring at the two of them.

Spike stopped kissing her and set her down. He turned around and looked at Buffy, who was still frozen in shock.

"What… What are you doing?" Buffy was feeling so betrayed and lost.

"Well, since I figured everyone else was doing it, why not?" Spike was enjoying the agony on here face, despite the tug on his heart that told him not to.

Buffy realized what he meant and suddenly felt extremely guilty. "It was—"

"And don't give that 'It was a hello' bit." Spike's voice was harsh and cold.

"B, I didn't mean to. I didn't think that—" Faith tried to apologize.

"It's not your fault." Buffy couldn't believe that Spike would do this.

"Yeah, I wonder who is to blame." Spike stormed off leaving Buffy feeling very much alone.

* * *

"Spike. What was that all about?" Faith ran to catch up with him.

"You didn't see?" Spike was trying not to sound as crappy as he felt.

"I was kind of preoccupied with your lips." Faith sat down on the couch where Spike was sitting.

"Buffy and Angel again. With their epic love and whatnot."

"Oh. So the whole kissing was a revenge deal?" Faith was somewhat offended.

"Yeah, that and the fact that you were a really good kisser." Spike smiled, but it soon faded as the memory of Buffy came back.

"Well if jealousy was what you were after you sure got what you wanted. B was ready to go through the ceiling."

"Yeah. I noticed."

"Yet you don't seem to be enjoying this." Faith met his eyes. "You're still crazy in love with her, aren't you?"

"Bug-shagging crazy." He shook his head. "It hurts."

"I bet. But honestly, there's no breaking the two of them up, believe me, I've tried."

"I know. I just wish she could've loved me that way."

Faith could see how much this was tearing him up inside. "Spike, I think she—"

"Faith?" Wesley had appeared in the doorway.

"Hey, Wes." Faith got up from the couch.

"I heard that there was some commotion in the lobby. I should've guessed it was you."

"That's me. Commotion-starter." Faith looked over at Spike and decided he needed some time alone. She turned back to Wes. "Let's go somewhere and talk." The two of them walked out, Faith glancing back at Spike to see him holding his head in his hands. Poor guy.

* * *

Buffy walked back to where Angel was standing.

"What happened?" Angel surveyed the disarray of things around him.

"Spike and Faith." Her body was still humming with jealousy.

"They fought? I knew we shouldn't have left the two of them together."

"No. They didn't fight."

"Then what happened?"

"They were kissing." Buffy looked away from Angel and tried to hide the pain she felt.

"Spike and Faith? Now that's a pair." Angel laughed at the thought of it.

"Yup. Faith tries to steal another one of my boyfriends. No big surprise there."

Suddenly it hit Angel that Buffy was upset about this. "Boyfriend?"

"Well, no, but just the whole 'her taking over my life' bit. Third time she's made with the kissing of my… people."

"Oh. Well, from what it looks like, Spike doesn't seem to have been forced into anything." He glanced over at the Faith-sized dent in the wall.

"No. It wasn't really Faith. Spike did it because of us."

"Us? What did we… oh." Angel didn't really feel guilty at all about this.

"He saw us and then…"

"Yeah." Angel couldn't stand it. He could tell Buffy was in pain. This normally would've meant he would be the one to cheer her up… but this was about Spike. "You should go talk to him."

Buffy looked up at him with complete puzzlement in her eyes. "What?"

"Go find him." It was killing him to say it, but he would do anything to make her happy.

"Thank you." Buffy hugged him and then left to find Spike.

* * *

Spike sat there ready to smash his fist through the window. The only thing stopping him was the fact that he knew if he broke the glass, he'd be a crispy critter in a matter of seconds. On second thought he liked that plan. He was tired of his mind being so full of her. It drove him insane even when she wasn't around. He couldn't help it, he was just so in love with her.

"Spike?" Buffy peered in through the doorway.

"Get away from me." He got up and walked away from her.

Buffy followed him over to the window. "Spike, please don't do this to me." She reached out to touch him but before she made contact he turned around and grabbed her wrist.

"Do what? Make you feel like I'm feeling? Make you see what its like to love someone so much you can't stop thinking about them even when you're dead? Make you understand my pain?" He squeezed tighter on her wrist.

"You're hurting me." Buffy tried to get her wrist free, only to have Spike's grip tighten.

"Not enough." He stared into her with his deep penetrating eyes.

"I'm sorry. But it's not like you didn't already get your revenge." She cringed at the memory of him and Faith.

"Revenge? She meant nothing. I couldn't feel anything with her. Because all I could think about was you. It's always been you." He let go of her wrist and turned away so he didn't have to see her face.

Buffy massaged her wrist. "What do you want me to say?"

Spike spun around and yanked Buffy toward him and kissed her. Then he pushed her away. "Tell me that made you feel something."

She didn't answer. She just pulled his head back down and kissed him again.

Spike broke off the kiss. "No. Answer me." His voice was harsh and cold.

"I…" Just say it Buffy. Tell him what it meant to you. "It did." She looked up at him. "I'm just not sure what it made me feel."

Spike turned his gaze from her and attempted to walk away.

"Spike. Don't." She spun around to look at him and had to blink back tears from her eyes. It was killing her to see him this way.

He just shook his head and walked out of the room.

* * *

_You hit me  
it all turns to sunshine  
Dirty sunshine  
You walked in  
it all turns to sunshine  
Dirty sunshine  
I slam the door  
and shut the blinds  
Dirty sunshine_

Buffy walked into the nearby bar. She was so exhausted from the day's events. "Mental note: Never own a law firm." She looked around and saw Harmony sitting alone on a stool. She got up and walked over to her. "Hey there, Harmony."

"Buffy. Hi." Harmony looked upset.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Well, there's you." Harmony didn't even look up as she talked to Buffy.

"Umm… me? Harmony, I haven't seen you in almost three years. What could I have possibly done?"

"You're back. And now he's going to be all love-obsessed again. I mean not that I really had a chance…"

"Oh. You mean Spike."

Harmony just continued talking, not listening to Buffy. "Well, things were getting better. I mean, he became all solid again. But he just wanted to run back to you. But he also slept with me that time. And then I tried to rip his throat out. But, I was under the influence of—"

Buffy stopped her. "Wait, you and Spike… slept together?"

"Yeah. He got this thing in the mail, then the first thing he wants to do is have sex. Of course, two seconds later he's running back to you."

"But… he didn't come back to me." Buffy's head was hurting from the flow of new information.

"Yeah, I know. He was about to, and then he made this whole speech about his "grand finale" not mattering anymore. I tried to tell him that just seeing him again would make you go all weak in the knees. Of course he didn't listen to me."

Buffy's heart sank. He thought that little of her that he thought she would be upset that he DIDN'T die? "I'm gonna go for a walk."

Harmony most likely continued talking, but Buffy was so upset at the moment she couldn't hear anything.

* * *

Spike wandered out into the lobby, only to be met by Angel, who had a huge scowl on his face. "Well… did tall, dark and forehead get rejected? Cause it looked to me like things were going—" Spike was cut off by Angel's fist slamming into his face.

"How could you do this to her?" Angel's voice was filled with pain for Buffy.

"Do what? She doesn't give a damn about me. Also, she was the one who went and made out with you." Spike's head was spinning. He hated this feeling. The being so close but not having her feeling. He was familiar with it by now, but it still ate him up inside. "I'm gonna go for a walk."


End file.
